Friday was probably the closest I’ve come to understanding what it’s like to suffer severe chronic pain. My whole body hurt. Concentrating on a simple task took Herculean effort. Sitting at a desk typing on a laptop for two hours felt like running a marathon, both mentally and physically. If I lived Friday every day, I wouldn’t be able to hold down a job.
It was day to use the changes in perception I’ve worked on since Christmastime.
My pain came because God either ordained it or allowed it. It’s not meaningless. There’s a purpose to it. And he won’t leave me to face it alone.
To be clear, it was a difficult day. Baby bunnies didn’t come to lift my spirits. There were a few work things that had to be done, but doing them was agonizing.
I did it with a clean mindset. I didn’t curse myself for what I couldn’t do and when I finished what absolutely needed to be done, I walked away without feeling like I hadn’t done my part. Maybe that’s the purpose in all this, to grow closer to God and build my ability to work through difficulty with dignity and grace.
Recognizing a purpose to my difficulty made all the difference. In my Bible app yesterday, the verse of the day came from the book of Esther. Though she was queen, Esther couldn’t enter the king’s presence unless she was summoned. But Esther was a Jew, and Haman, a royal advisor, was getting ready to exterminate the Jews. Esther’s Uncle Mordecai says that it’s possible she was put in that position to prevent the genocide.
Esther courageously entered the king’s presence. Instead of having her killed, he was glad to see her. Her life and ultimately the lives of the Jews were spared.
It was a heavy burden, one she bared with dignity and grace.
Nothing that monumental happened Friday. I did some work, then went to bed. But I trained for that. I did what needed to be done and I didn’t use my pain as an excuse to beat myself up or to be surly to someone else.
The work I’ve done over the past few months prepared me to accept what happened Friday and do what needed to be done without fighting against it. I trusted that I could do a difficult thing and it would be okay.
And it was.
Life is full of difficult days. They’ll only end when we die. If they’re inevitable, preparing for them is important work.
My way there involves God. I think it’s a good way. Yours may be different. But when we stop chafing against difficulty, we get the freedom to be creative in how we manage through it. And that’s when amazing things happen.
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