So Jesus was hanging out one day in the town square and he met this dirty frigging whore. I mean, she was a loose woman whose legs were open more often than Walmart.
She burned through five husbands, no doubt because she was schtupping other guys while she was married. And, in fact, she wasn’t married to the guy she was currently schtupping. All of which goes to prove that she was a frigging harlot. A tart. A slut. A loose woman. Someone you don’t want to be around lest he steal your innocent, helpless husband by dangling her dirty, dirty lady parts in front of him.
The dirty whore was so disliked by the upright people that she went to get her water out of the well in the middle of the day when it was hot because all the other ladies knew she was a dirty, dirty whore.
So Jesus, seeing the dirty whore at the well, asked her for a drink of water.
They got talking and he told her that she’d been married five times and she was schtupping a guy now that was wasn’t married to. And then she told him that she was a dirty whore and that she’d better straighten up so she could be eligible to have her sins forgiven. Then he want down the road and they brought him another dirty whore and she they’d caught her schtupping a guy she wasn’t married to and that she had to be killed. So Jesus took a big rock and bashed in her big, ugly dirty whore head.
Well, not really.
Jesus spoke with tenderness to the woman at the well–in fact, he told her all about herself in a way that moved her so much that she ran into town–into the place where she was disliked enough that she went to the well in the heat of the day–and told everyone about him. He called this filthy whore–one of the children he came to reconcile with God–“dear woman.”
And the other woman, the adulteress, Jesus said that the first one who didn’t have sin had the right to kill her. There was only one person there who fit that description and he deliberately chose not to kill her. At the end, after all the men slinked away–perhaps because Jesus was writing their sins in the sand–it was just him and the dirty whore, another one of the children of God he came to reconile.
He deliberately chose to tell her he didn’t condemn her and that he wanted her to try to do better.
You’re probably not a dirty whore. But maybe you’re a guy who looks a little to long at the ladies in yoga pants. Or maybe you’re the woman who’s a little doubtful about your abilities and worth and so you overcompensate in your relationships with others. Or maybe you can’t stand stupid people. Or perhaps you’re a little too hard on people who don’t deliver as much as you could in their position.
Maybe you try really hard but can’t get over disliking the gays or the Republicans or the people who remind you of that one really abusive relationship you were in, even though those new people haven’t really abused you.
Jesus came to reconcile people like that, too. In fact, if you made a list of the worst things you’ve ever done, starting with the very worst–that’s the guy or woman Jesus came to reconcile with. And he asks us to try to do the same with each other*. He knows we won’t make it. He knew I’d be off my mark Friday afternoon.
He cares about that because I affected people he loves. But he’s not going to condemn me for it. He’s going to dust me off and ask me to do my best to do better. Not because he’ll condemn me if I don’t, but because if I can do better it’ll be easier on the people he loves–including me.
The message of Jesus should be the easiest message in the world to preach. It’s about love and divine companionship. And no one wants to be alone. And everyone wants to be loved. It’s not because people like me (and maybe you) get in the way.
The world is the world and it’s better when we can face it together. It’s just really hard to see past the dirty whores and self-righteous schmucks to see valued and valuable children of God.
* — For the record, this doesn’t mean you have to go be besties with people who abuse you.