Sometimes you remember what gets said better than who said it. I don’t remember who, but someone once said to me that if you think you know what God’s doing, you’re probably wrong.
As the year ends and a new one is set to begin, I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. It’s a comfortable place to be when God agrees with you. It’s a place of certainty and a place of ease. After all, if God agrees with you, who can be against you? When God agrees with you, why do you need to look deeper or challenge anything? God said it, you believe it, and that settles it.
Unless you’re wrong. Unless God doesn’t agree with you.
A Facebook friend posted something called The Most Dangerous Prayer You Can Pray. I thought the most danger prayer was for patience. I prayed that once. Then I got laid off and was functionally out of work for two years. I’ve never prayed for patience since.
But this prayer was far scarier. It asks God to allow the same things that break his heart to break mine.
Zoinks! Jinkies! Ruh-roh!
This prayer scares the snot out of me. Badly.
For one thing, in case you hadn’t noticed the incessant whining at this URL, it’s not been the best of year this year. I don’t want heartbreak right now. I don’t want pain. I don’t want complication. I want what I want and I want it now!
As my pastor is fond of saying–as he runs his right index finger in a halo-like circle over his head, “Too bad! It’s not all about you!”
So my response to my Facebook friend, who is, by the way, a bastard for posting that, started with, “Awww, crap.”
There are certain prayers you know God isn’t going to answer. God, please let me win Powerball. God, please let me eat donuts and not gain weight. God, please let the Mets sign an outfielder who can hit.
And then there’s this one. You know God’s gonna answer this.
It’s not that I want to run around heartbroken. I’ve rooted for the Mets and Jets almost all my life. That’s really not a new experience for me.
It’s that the heartbreak will open me to what God really wants. You see, I kind of dig this middle class life I have. I like being able to drink craft beer and eat nice things and not worry about things like crime, war, and all the other crap that they have to worry about. I kind of dig being American and I’m a big fan of a rising tide lifting all boats.
But as much as I’d like God to be simple and easy and safe–to be an American with middle class sensibilities–God’s just not like that. If I think he is–and it makes my life easier to think that–then I’m wr-wr-wr-ng.
God is messy and real and good, but the last thing he is, is safe.
If you open yourself up to the things that break God’s heart, it’s not gonna be safe for you, either. It’ll be messy and real and it’ll hurt like hell, I expect. But it’ll be good.
So here it is–go ahead.
Take this city (me), a city should be shining on a hill.
Take this city, if it be your will.
What no man can own, no man can take.
Take this heart,
Take this heart,
Take this heart,
And make it break.
(Lyrics from the U2 song Yahweh. They aren’t mine.)
Dammit.